Real things I learned from fake Love

My go-to show is Grey’s Anatomy, judge all you want but that show is a thrilling emotional roller coaster sprinkled with wisdom about life. I’ve watched every season more than once so now I just leave it on for background noise. The older seasons are some of my favorites, as I was book blogging the other day I noticed something in season 5 that made me think about people and relationships in general. This was the season where Owen Hunt officially stepped onscreen. He made an appearance before as a handsome G.I. Joe who rescued a damsel in distress, (those were the words he used) and then he left. When we see Owen again (Kevin McKidd) he’s in the after, as in post-war. Cristina, the damsel he rescued, doesn’t know how to feel about his return but she knows he’s something special. The beginning stages of Cristina (Sandra Oh) and Owen are so uncomfortable. The fact that Crowen starts out so awkwardly gives me so much hope.

5 things I’ve learned from fictional romance

1) Awkward is to be expected at first

It’s odd to watch the early episodes of Owen and Cristina, the way they start is so far from what they became. He’s a decorated war hero, and she’s a boss lady surgeon, they’re both impressive people yet they both seem to choke when trying to impress each other, or even converse for that matter. Owen is a wall he doesn’t give much of anything. He mixes tense conversation with odd flattery. The man asks her on a date in the middle of a work related conversation, no warning, no charm, just out of the blue. His peculiar compliments towards Cristina and their awkward interactions are nearly painful to watch.

They’re awkward because they’re nervous and nervous is normal. Being nervous is a good thing, it’s really just a form of excitement so don’t fault yourself for it, embrace the pounding heart and stomach flutter knowing that it won’t last forever and you will return to a functional human being.

Keep in mind nerves effect everybody differently. Some talk too much whereas others don’t talk at all. In this case, Owen appeared mean and Cristina was jittery but that’s not how they really are. The start of a relationship is only a fraction of what’s to come so don’t over analyze, that’s like saying a book is awful based on its summary. Speaking as a writer, give it at least fifty pages.

2) Nothing is epic from the start

We as people (females in particular) can imagine a fantastic future with someone we just connected with a week ago but the reality is relationships need time to develop, even if it’s meant to be there are critical bonding moments that either confirm or deny a significant future with someone. The assorted 20 questions, answered through coffee dates and group events, dinner and eventually the so-late it’s-early-conversations. It’s all a part of trust and trust is key to any relationship that’s worth it. Even in an exaggerated TV drama it took Crowen years to become legendary and none of it was without flaw. Enjoy the small beginnings have standards not expectations, boundaries not burdens. Get to know someone just for the sake of caring about another person, don’t go in with an agenda just appreciate the company. If they’re good to you they may also be good for you. Find out if the pieces fit one step at a time.

3) We’re all a little rough

Owen had war wounds and Cristina never really loved anyone more than herself. He had a serious case of PTSD, also he hadn’t been on a date in years which is why although he had the best intentions, he showed up late and drunk. She lost herself in the last person she loved so she stopped really letting people in. She loved herself and her work. I’ve always believed it’s so important to not hold someone’s past against them. I also believe it’s incredibly stupid to ignore someone’s history.

Everybody’s a little scary and damaged, which can make going into a new relationship terrifying. What’s going to happen if that conversation comes up? Well, when it does you’ll find out. The thing is, everyone has a past so it’s important to be understanding because isn’t that what we all want? Someone who just listens and doesn’t hold it over our head? If we don’t want someone to shriek at the skeletons in our closet, we shouldn’t scream at theirs.

There’s a scene where he shows up on her doorstep out of nowhere. He doesn’t want to go anywhere else and he doesn’t want to come inside because he doesn’t think that would be appropriate. It’s a weird move for sure but he does it because he’s drawn to Cristina. He’s swallowed up in his own mess of coming home from war and he doesn’t really know her but he knows he wants too. She wants to know him too, that’s why she sits beside him instead of telling him to go. Her last love changed her in the wrong way. Parts of her were taken. The right kind of love adds it doesn’t subtract. In the doorstep scene where Owen risks rejection and Cristina chooses to stay it’s as if they’re both wordlessly deciding that combining their problems may actually lead to a joint solution.

4) We all shine like diamonds

Yes, he’s awkward and random but he has his moments where he’s awesome and romantic. He may have behaved like a stalker and showed up on her doorstep but it was really just to say; “I think you’re beautiful.” Then their first date was a disaster because he showed up late and he’s drunk but it was because he was nervous and full of past pain. In a way, the messy stuff is necessary it tells you if the good stuff is worth sticking around for. I like to say; “If I can’t handle your rebellion I don’t want to stick around for your righteousness.” I came up with the quote a while ago and it totally applies to my personal life. As far as dating, I look for a godly man first, meaning can I see your faith in action? It doesn’t have to be perfect but I have to be able to see commitment to being more like Christ. If a man can’t commit to developing his character how can he ever commit to me? It’s so important for me to be with someone who’s after God’s own heart but what about the sinful side? What about the part when he stumbles or looses focus? What does he look like without Jesus? If I can’t handle the bad, I don’t want to be entertained by the good.

5) Don’t force anything

There’s not much to say about new relationships other than, don’t force it. If it’s good and it’s worth it you won’t have to. Just know what you want (or at least what you don’t) and let it unfold naturally, keeping in mind that real life is not a fairytale but there are mystical moments. Also, there’s like a 99% the relationship won’t happen as expected or turn out as planned so just roll with it. It’s so much less stressful if you just appreciate something for what it is instead of waiting to see if it’ll become something else.

Those are 5 real things I learned from fake love. When it’s awkward it’s okay, that’s part of the process and the other person is just as nervous as you, seriously. No one starts in the happily ever after, we get to the altar step by step. Trust is key and relationships take time. Everyone you meet has a past, just as you would appreciate understanding, so would they. Consider a person’s history but don’t hold it against them. If you can’t handle it that’s okay, there’s no shame in knowing your limits, no shame at all. Everybody is a little rough and everybody has a little shine. When you’re in a relationship you’re going to get both sides, remember that. Last but not least, don’t force it, love is easy, we’re made for it. Chances are it’ll find us all we have to do is keep our eyes open.

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