Dear John

I put this handwritten page in a copy of my novel because I thought you would throw out a lone letter addressed to you from me. I signed the back cover of the book and I want you to have it because if not for you I may not have finished writing it. Whether you read it or not keep it, it might be worth something when I’m dead. I know I owe you an explanation since you haven’t heard from me in awhile. I said I would be gone a month and I was. Then on day thirty-one I dropped in for a highly anticipated visit. It really was great to see you. I missed your warmth and your smell. I had a great breakfast with you. If you haven’t scoffed at my words and are still reading this, know that I’m sorry I disappeared the day after. I did find my way back to you a week later and I wanted to get reacquainted, I really did but there was so much going on that day. I was investing in my future and I thought needed you to make it through but that wasn’t true. I am sorry, I should not have wasted both our time. Things are different now, I’m different now. Please don’t think I love you less or worse that I never did, that is not true. I’ve just moved on. I want to thank you for everything. Kissing my sleepy lips awake every morning, keeping me company just about every day, showing up more than once. Without you I doubt I would’ve made it through my younger years. You introduced me to so much variety. Espresso, Americano, cappuccino, without you I wouldn’t know such strong sweetness. You were my wake up call, my midday buzz, and my evening boost. Thank you for always warming me up and keeping me sharp. Since I’ve been away it’s easy for me to see that my love for you was an addiction. In the beginning we were great together but things fell out of balance quickly, it wasn’t just your fault I’ll admit it was mine too. I started to feel jittery around you. Instead of being alert and focused I was unsteady. At times I felt erratic. I denied it for awhile and kept you in my life because I wasn’t sure how I would be or who I would be without you. For far to long I consumed too much of you. I tried to quit, even made promises to do so but it didn’t stick. I was afraid to loosen my grip around you. I was dependant even when I knew this treatment wasn’t good for my body. I know now that I had to let go. I can see that clearly now that I’m free. Regardless of the future, I thank you for the past. I hope you’ll do the same as me and find your forever with whoever you’re meant to be. 
                  Goodbye sweet coffee,


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