Sometimes I miss you
more than I could ever
possibly justify and the only thing
worse than enduring this
late night suffering,
in silence,
would be to let you know.
Still, it happens sometimes,
those feels sneak up on me.
The way my muscles will tire after a long day of
working hard and
suddenly, I need rest.
My body warms, chest to finger tips and I am ready
for sleep.
It’s usually then, that sometimes,
I’ll miss you.
I miss you is not a constant for me.
Months can go by and I won’t feel
that type of longing in the slightest.
For me,
when it comes to ‘I miss you.’
I think of the missing piece.
It’s not a feeling, so much as it is a
memory.
When I’m driving home in the cold
through the snow.
I’m stopped in the street and
I remember your voice.
Words you said to me or
something I learned from you and
for a few seconds I smile.
I really do because I feel like I get to
live that again.
It’s not so much I miss you,
as you are missing from me.
I understand why
the French say it that way.
I don’t want to say,
“wish you were here.”
I’d rather demand to know,
“why are you not here?”
I don’t miss you.
You are missing from me.
You are the missing piece.
I miss you and you’re missing.
Then I realize, you are not here
with me because
you’re not meant to be and
if you were, it would not be
the same.
It would not be the same laughter
with the same jokes.
We would not be making
the same mistakes. I know.
I cannot ever truly put it
on repeat,
the words you said to me,
the things I learned from you.
Only sometimes, in my mind’s eye,
can I imagine again.
I am sure you’ve lived moments like this
one thousand times
with several
different people but
I haven’t. Not really, not like this.
I had you. That was it.
It mattered to me.
Maybe it mattered to you too.
When I’m driving at night
through the snow, I know
I can keep myself warm.
I have heat.
There was a time though, when
it was nicer than sitting beside a fire
on a bitter night to have you,
next to me, not doing anything,
just being there.
Warming my heart the way flames
warm my skin.
Sometimes, I miss you before I sleep
but then I remember, you are not
on my team.
I want to do this again and then
I remember, you are
not on my team.
I want to ask you
how you have been, even though,
I know you are fine.
Then I remember, you are
not on my team.
I want to love you better and
live with you longer and then
I remember, you are
not on my team.
Feelings of bliss that I miss,
they fade so fast.
I love you and then I remember,
you are my past.
Mindless Peace 