Eyes On Me

Just over a year ago, I saw a short clip about motherhood through the eyes of fitness. First, a little girl puts on heels that swallow up her feet, she shuffles over to the mirror and looks at herself, presumably thinking; maybe one day these will fit me. We only see the heels for a few seconds because then, this little girl finds boxes of different Crossfit shoes. As she sorts through them we see flashes of who her Mom chose to be while wearing them; climbing ropes, pushing sleds, running through the mud and rain, working tirelessly to be as strong as she could for herself but also, for her little girl who because of those moments, saw just how possible it is to be strong. When Mom finds her little girl, she’s not wearing the heels anymore. On her feet are the worn, tattered, Crossfit shoes that her Mama made history with and we are left to believe that she will follow in Mama’s footsteps.

It was just a fifty-five second Reebok promo for Nanos but it hit me in the heartstrings (good job marketing department.) I saw that clip six months before stepping into a Crossfit box for the first time myself Crossfit Homer Glen, which is now my home away from home. After seeing this in January of last year, the way I thought about health and getting stronger started to percolate inside of me differently. Of course you should love your body and love yourself. Of course we only get one shell to use in this part of life and we should keep it polished. Of course the body is a temple and if you want to drive a Porsche, the right fuel is imperative. More than that though, what about the audience? What about the witness? What about the ‘all eyes on me’ factor? Even if you’re not a role model to everyone, you are a role model to someone. Even if you don’t believe that you will change the world, maybe your impact is monumental on someone who will.

“You may not be the one to change the world but you may change the world of someone who will.”-Genevieve Rose

What we say, what we do, who we are, affects people. Whether that effect is positive or negative, is up to us. Influence is a gift and a divine responsibility. I do what I do and I am who I am first, for God and then for myself after that, it is to inspire and encourage all those eyes that are on me. A few of which will one day be my children’s. Motherhood is a phase I’m far from being ready for but it is something I’m still considering. Parenthood won’t be conventional for me though, as a woman who is differently abled, I will have to adapt. It wasn’t until Vanessa Cantu, an aspiration for me and other Adaptive Athletes, posted something about her and her daughter, that things were put into perspective.

When I have my own tiny humans, occurrences just like this will happen. They might ask me exactly what Vanessa’s daughter did; “you can’t do that right Mom?” It might sting a little for me too. I know it will because the thought of it stings now. I might get the same questions Venessa got but also, I think my answer will be the same too. “No but that doesn’t change how I love you.” My tiny humans will know that I may not be able to do some things but that doesn’t matter because there is always a way, especially when it seems impossible because with God we are unstoppable. They will also know that their Mama did more than most people with less physical ability. That lionheart quality is worth more than most life lessons put together. I plan on raising my cubs to brave and strong just like my mother lion continues to teaches me.

Fitness is for me but it is also for everyone coaching me and everyone watching me. Writing is for me and everyone who reads what I write and feels something. Education is for me and everyone teaching me, as well as everyone earning their degree with me. Being kind is for me and my soul and every spirit that I leave an impression on. Being love is for me and my heart and every other heart that I get to love. These things are for me but they are also for all the eyes on me. All that I am is for me but I promise-and I never promise flippantly-it is not only for me, it is for you too.