I miss this hair.
I miss this room.
I miss this moment.
I miss that jacket.
I miss that wall.
I miss that house.
I miss that feeling.
I miss that hope.
I miss the laughter because of that accidental waterboarding.
I miss that excitement.
I miss that enjoyment.
I miss that argument we got into. “Just take the picture.” I snapped, before I glared into the lens at you.
I miss our collective ignorance and idiocy and how we so tenaciously had each other’s backs, whether it was agree or disagree.
I miss the crazy contrast
of our lives.
I miss living like the day and learning to love the night.
I miss everything you taught me and everything you made me and all that you gave me.
Sometimes I wish I could reverse and stand against that wall again.
I would love to be angry at whatever it was you said and happy that you were there.
It would feel wonderful to be
so irritated that hours
had gone by on this particular evening and I had already declared that you would be in charge of my appearance come my wedding day.
Still, more pictures were taken.
I would be so grateful to have that hostile happiness again.
Not every perfectly imperfect moment has the good fortune of being captured in something more than a fading memory.
Be in the moments while you have them, you would always say
some bullshit like that.
Turns out, it wasn’t bullshit at all.
I may miss that hair,
miss that room,
miss that moment but I’m glad
I did not actually miss it.
I am thankful to have something that is actually worth missing.
At the end of the day,
I’m just glad I got to be there
in the first place.